pain

i have decided something... the other day while talking over some fears and frustrations that i have i mentioned that i am terrified to get migraines. (background: my mom gets migraines every 7-9 days and they last for a couple days. they are super painful and they cant find any medicine that will work for them because her body adjusts to all of the medication that they give her. the reason that im worried about getting them is because her mom had them too so they might be hereditary but no one is sure because no one can figure out what causes them.) so as i was talking about how i was scared to get them i realized/decided something. i should be the one to get them. if one of us has to get them i hope its me. why? well because i would rather have it be me than one of my two sisters. i dont think that tali is strong enough to handle them. not to say that she isnt strong, but i think that physically, mentally, and emotionally they would break her.

then theres rachel... she would be strong enough to handle them. next to my mom she is one of the strongest people that i know, but she is also one of the sweetest, funniest, most amazing people that i know. she is the one that my mom asks for when she has a migraine because rachel being who she is has always offered to give my mom massages or help her and is always so kind in doing whatever she can to help my mom week after week. she is so sweet and does not deserve to have migraines every week of her life. she is such an amazing person and deserves so much more... and honestly i think that though she would be strong enough to handle them and continue living life the way that my mom does but i think that it would break me to watch her go through that. she is seriously the best friend that i have ever had and i am lucky enough to have her as a sister. there is no feeling better than the one that comes with seeing her when i go home or at church or when our friends all get together and my 16 year old little sister comes up and says something like "jowie i missed you!" and gives me a hug. one of the great realizations that have come with moving out was just how much i love her and how much i miss her. such a babe!! if you dont know her very well get to because she will change your life in so many incredible ways!! but anyway because of this and because of how much i love her she should not have to be the one to get the migraines and to suffer the way that i see my mom doing every week.

then there is me. jorie. i am so much like my mom it is unbelievable. we were both ready to move out and be on our own the moment that we graduated from high school, we are both very stubborn and know what we want and what we need from life. we are both willing to step up and lead when needed and we are both good listeners. we are strong and know what we need to do to get to where we need to be. we both love the lord and are very aware of what we need to do to show him that we love him. we are also both very determined to live life to its fullest and to be the best people that we can possibly be. because of these reasons and a few others that i think i will keep to myself for now i think that i would be able to handle the migraines with all of the strength and determination that my mom does.

my mom is an amazing person who keeps fighting even though sometimes it would be easier to just give up and let go. i have seen this amazing, strong, and determined woman curled up into a ball, shaking and rocking back and forth because she is in so much pain, i have seen her cry in frustration because she is so helpless and cannot do anything more, and then i have seen her pull herself together, stand up, and move forward because she is determined not to let them win and not to let them stop her from having the best life she can and becoming the best person she possibly can. this is the kind of person that i would like to become. i want her strength and i want her determination. i hope that if one of us has to have migraines that it is me. and i hope that i can face them the way that my mom does and grow to become the kind of person that she is...

“When the goal is in sight, all your physical pain disappears, and your mental determination shall carry you the rest of the way” ~Trey Patty
"We acquire the strength we have overcome."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I never said it would be easy, i only said it would be worth it." ~Christ