pain

i have decided something... the other day while talking over some fears and frustrations that i have i mentioned that i am terrified to get migraines. (background: my mom gets migraines every 7-9 days and they last for a couple days. they are super painful and they cant find any medicine that will work for them because her body adjusts to all of the medication that they give her. the reason that im worried about getting them is because her mom had them too so they might be hereditary but no one is sure because no one can figure out what causes them.) so as i was talking about how i was scared to get them i realized/decided something. i should be the one to get them. if one of us has to get them i hope its me. why? well because i would rather have it be me than one of my two sisters. i dont think that tali is strong enough to handle them. not to say that she isnt strong, but i think that physically, mentally, and emotionally they would break her.

then theres rachel... she would be strong enough to handle them. next to my mom she is one of the strongest people that i know, but she is also one of the sweetest, funniest, most amazing people that i know. she is the one that my mom asks for when she has a migraine because rachel being who she is has always offered to give my mom massages or help her and is always so kind in doing whatever she can to help my mom week after week. she is so sweet and does not deserve to have migraines every week of her life. she is such an amazing person and deserves so much more... and honestly i think that though she would be strong enough to handle them and continue living life the way that my mom does but i think that it would break me to watch her go through that. she is seriously the best friend that i have ever had and i am lucky enough to have her as a sister. there is no feeling better than the one that comes with seeing her when i go home or at church or when our friends all get together and my 16 year old little sister comes up and says something like "jowie i missed you!" and gives me a hug. one of the great realizations that have come with moving out was just how much i love her and how much i miss her. such a babe!! if you dont know her very well get to because she will change your life in so many incredible ways!! but anyway because of this and because of how much i love her she should not have to be the one to get the migraines and to suffer the way that i see my mom doing every week.

then there is me. jorie. i am so much like my mom it is unbelievable. we were both ready to move out and be on our own the moment that we graduated from high school, we are both very stubborn and know what we want and what we need from life. we are both willing to step up and lead when needed and we are both good listeners. we are strong and know what we need to do to get to where we need to be. we both love the lord and are very aware of what we need to do to show him that we love him. we are also both very determined to live life to its fullest and to be the best people that we can possibly be. because of these reasons and a few others that i think i will keep to myself for now i think that i would be able to handle the migraines with all of the strength and determination that my mom does.

my mom is an amazing person who keeps fighting even though sometimes it would be easier to just give up and let go. i have seen this amazing, strong, and determined woman curled up into a ball, shaking and rocking back and forth because she is in so much pain, i have seen her cry in frustration because she is so helpless and cannot do anything more, and then i have seen her pull herself together, stand up, and move forward because she is determined not to let them win and not to let them stop her from having the best life she can and becoming the best person she possibly can. this is the kind of person that i would like to become. i want her strength and i want her determination. i hope that if one of us has to have migraines that it is me. and i hope that i can face them the way that my mom does and grow to become the kind of person that she is...

“When the goal is in sight, all your physical pain disappears, and your mental determination shall carry you the rest of the way” ~Trey Patty
"We acquire the strength we have overcome."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I never said it would be easy, i only said it would be worth it." ~Christ

damnation

a couple nights ago i was asked this question: because opposition is required in all things, does this mean God knew that at least one soul would be damned in the great war of heaven? well i thought about it and decided that yes He would have to have known that this would happen because if it didnt then how would we have agency? there would be no one to try to get us to do things that we shouldnt right? but how can that be? why would God let one of his own children be damned? doesnt he love us all the same? well in thinking about this and answering the question i came up with the idea that yes not only did God know that one soul was going to be damned, but he also knew that a lot of souls would CHOOSE damnation. Satan chose his own path and he chose damnation over God. the scripture that came to mind was "it is better that one man should perish than a whole nation should dwindle in unbelief."
then this led me to think about how so many of us here on earth who already made the decision once to be on the Lord's side will make the wrong decision and choose damnation for themselves. i have heard many people argue that in heaven we knew which side was right but here we dont know. well to those people i believe you are wrong... we know and are told now just as we were then that Gods side will win. good will always beat evil and if we are not consciously choosing good then we are consequently choosing evil. so i ask you... why would you, or why are you, knowingly choosing evil and damnation?

how do i accept you?

compliments...
awkward. self-centered. uncomfortable. vain. secretly happy. important. loved. pretty... i think that all of us love to be complimented, because it lets us know we are loved. we all need to feel important but i think sometimes we (especially girls) have a really hard time knowing how to accept compliments without feeling awkward, self-centered, uncomfortable, or vain. but at the same time we dont know how to brush them off without sounding like we are fishing for more... so what do we do? do we go with the first and be thought of as cocky or do we go with the second and be thought of as someone with low self esteem? oh but then there is a third option it goes like this... "thanks... *awkward silence* sooo..." oh i know who wouldnt want to pass up the opportunity for an awkward silence where the girl is feeling incredibly self conscious and the guy is wondering if she really believes him, right? ya not so much... you see i have made the decision to become better at accepting the compliments that people give me and only after deciding to do so realized that i have no idea how to...
so i ask you, ladies, what do you think the best way to accept a compliment is? do you brush it off? do you say thanks awkwardly and then quickly change the subject? do you say 'oh i know', flash a cute smile, and then wait for him to say something? do you roll your eyes at him and say thanks but dont believe a word he says?
and guys, how would you like us to accept your compliment? do you think were self centered if we accept it without any protest? do you feel like your opinion about us doesnt matter when we brush it off? do you just hope that somewhere inside we are taking what you said to heart? or do you say stuff that you dont really mean but you think itll make us happy and so brushing it off is the right thing to do?

"I don't make you feel special, I just remind you that you ARE special."  -David F. Sims

becoming a true princess

so before i dive into tonights topic let me explain where this all comes from...
today i spent the day at cody's house watching Disney princess movies... which he was actually excited about too!! i know, he's a keeper... :D so anyway... we watched 101 dalmatians (no not a princess movie but we started it last night and didnt finish it so we started there), the little mermaid, pocahontas (yes she is a princess), cinderella, sleeping beauty, snow white, and aladdin! (yes in that order...) it was an awesome marathon! so while we were watching pocahontas cody got up to go put some more pumkin cookies in the oven (they were delicious!) and i had a thought. almost all of the princesses in some way or another are told not to talk to/associate with a certain group or race of people by an authority figure of some kind, disobey, and in that 'forbidden group' end up finding their true love and living happily ever after (even tho the screen doesnt say that on all of them we all know thats what happens lets get real). i know you know these stories but just in case you dont and to point out the parts i would like to focus on here is a brief synopsis of each:

Ariel: her father forbids her to have anything to do with humans. he does this because he believes that humans are dangerous. but she disobeys him, becomes a human for three days, and gets to know and falls in love with prince eric, then ends up marrying him.

Cinderella: her evil step-mother forbids her from going to the ball and does everything in her power to keep her away from the ball, and then from trying on the shoe. the step-mother does this because she wants her daughters to become queens and she thinks that they are in a higher class than simple, sooty, working cinderella. with the help of her fairy godmother and mice friends cinderella goes to the ball and gets to try on the glass slipper proving she is the one prince charming loves.

Pocahontas: her father forbids not only her but the whole tribe from going anywhere near/having anything to do with the white settlers. he does this because they are dangerous and are trying to take over the land. motivated by her determination for peace and following her dreams pocahontas disobeys her father and meets and falls in love with john smith. she ends up having to let him go but because of their love they were able to stop a war and save a lot of lives.

Mulan: she was told her whole life never to speak in front of a man out of turn and to never try to fight for her beliefs. she is taught this because it would bring shame and dishonor to her family. she disobeys everything shes ever been told when she steals her fathers orders to appear for training for the army to save his life. she ends up not only finding who she is and her true love, but also ends up saving all of china and brings great honor and respect to her familys name.

Aurora: she is hidden away in a small cottage in a forest to protect her. she is told not to talk to strangers and not to have anything to do with anyone other than the three sweet ladies who raised her. she didnt know why but always listened until her 16th birthday when she found prince phillip (the most attractive of all the princes, jussayin'... :D) because of this she found true love.

Rapunzel: she was told never to leave a tower and never to associate with anyone. she was told that they would only hurt her and would try to steal her magic hair and try to use her powers for their own benefit. she was told this by her 'mother' who actually was just using her for her magic hair because she wanted to stay young and protect herself. when rapunzel decided to go out into the world on her own she gained experience and a life she had never known, found her real parents, and fell in love.

Jasmine: was kept inside the castle and not allowed to leave and find someone she really loved, but rather was forced to meet parades of princes and choose one to marry. this happened because she needed to get married and she needed to marry royalty because it was what was expected of her. when she escaped and took a look at life outside of the castle walls she gained experience that would help her to be a better leader and lead her to true love.

Belle: she is a little different than all the others. she is not told not to associate with the beast and his servants who are all objects rather than people, but it is not something anyone else was willing to do. they were different and out of the ordinary and therefore scary. but when she befriended them she ended up creating some great relationships, falling in love, and breaking a spell. all this happened because she was willing to accept them regardless of how different they may have been, which leads to my point.

thinking about this helped me to realize something. (and no it is not that disobeying your parents will let you find true love... not the point here). each of these girls was forbidden from associating with a certain group of people because they were different. but each one of these girls stood up for what they believed in and accepted those who were different because it was the right thing to do. this made them true princesses. they were not only princesses because their dads were kings, chiefs, or sultans, but they became TRUE princesses because they knew what was right and stood by it no matter what. accepting those who are different from us is something that is right. it is something that is important and is something that a lot of people say they do, but do they actually? i know everyones natural reaction is to say no to the following questions, but look inside yourself and really think about the answers and be honest with yourself. do you stop and stare or roll your eyes or look down on someone who is overweight? do you cough loudly or glare at someone who is smoking a cigarette? do you laugh at the boy at school with braces, glasses, and an inhaler for being a 'nerd' and having the 4.0 that you wish you could have? do you judge those around you by what they wear? their skin color? what they believe? their opinions? or their families? how often do we not allow ourselves to associate with others because theyre different than us? a lot more than we would like to admit i think. its time for us to step up and become the true princes and princesses that we were meant to be. accept those who are different than us, and not only accept them, but befriend them. we need to become the type of people who find out what is right and stand by it. we need to step up to the plate and decide now to become true princes and princesses... because that is who we are destined to become.

"Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences. Our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them."  -Judith Henderson

to steal a kiss

last night as i was sitting at a park and talking with cody, my boyfriend, he asked me what i thought the phrase 'to steal a kiss' meant. so i sat and thought about it for a while and then told him i would have to get back to him on that. i got home and asked hailey what she thought it meant and she said that to her it was a negative thing because in her mind the word 'steal' has an automatic negative connotation attached to it. to me the phrase 'to steal a kiss' means to kiss someone unexpectedly, almost like an interruption kiss but only a peck. to me it shows complete adoration and love :) its like stopping someone mid-sentence or randomly turning to someone and telling them that you love them. i dont see it as a creepy thing at all.
ok well what does this have to do with anything? well it made me think about life a little bit. how often do we tell those that we love that we love them? how often do we let someone slip out of our lives because we forget to tell them that we love them? i think that too often we assume that those that we love know that we love them and we assume that theyll be there forever so we turn our attention to others and then one day we turn around expecting them to be there, but theyre not... i think in life we need to take the time 'to steal a kiss' every so often. sometimes 'stealing a kiss' could be doing the dishes for your mom when shes had a long day. other times it may be sitting and listening to a friend talk about their problems, and other times it could be literally turning to the person that you love and stealing a quick, sweet kiss, just to be sure that they know that you love them. it doesnt matter how you do it, only that you do. so take the time to 'steal a kiss' today, because if you dont, they may not be there tomorrow.

"If you love someone let them know, if you don't let them go."  ~Author Unknown

the independent somebody

i am an 18, almost 19, year old girl who is... well i guess we'll never know, but i'm somebody and somebody important... so it'd prolly be a good idea to remember my name... jussayin'... :D

so here are somethings you can tell your friends about me when i'm famous...

• i am a daughter of God
• He loves me
• He loves you too...
• i am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and i would die standing up for it. it is true. i know it with every fiber of my being and nothing you can say can ever change that. 
• i am a CODA (child of a deaf adult) and ASL (american sign language) is my first language
• i am addicted to listening to music and singing loud and clear!! (thought not very well i might add...)
• i love listening to friends talk about their problems and coming up with answers to their questions, definitely considering becoming a therapist
• i know what it feels like to be in love, i know what it feels like to have a broken heart, and i also know that it is possible to love again :D
• i love my mommy a lot and i am not ashamed of it. i would shout it from the rooftops if you asked me to because she is champ and deserves to know how amazing she is
• sometimes i like to just sit in the rain and think... something about getting soaked makes everything seem so clear :D
• i have a job as an ASL interpreter for the deaf and hearing. i love my job so much and the people that i work with, tho im not really allowed to talk about any of it so its just better if you dont ask...
• i have read my scriptures every single day since June 6, 2009 and i will continue to do so every day of my life, count on it
• i will be married in an LDS temple (preferably the Manti one) to a worthy young man who has returned from his mission and honors his priesthood and respects me as a daughter of God
• i am a lacrosse player. it is the most amazing thing that i have ever chosen to do and it has literally saved my life along with a few friends of mine. 
• i played high school soccer for two years and then switched to lacrosse and played that for the last two years of high school
•  i live in an apartment with four roommates: Hailey, Emilee, Kenzi, and McKenzie (ya it gets confusing sometimes...) no i did not know any of them when i moved in and getting to know them has been an adventure!!
•  my new goal in life is to be an artistic person. my medium? words. i wanna be able to write and help people to overcome trials, inspire them to live their lives to the fullest, and to put their brains to good use and think. this new obsession has probably come from the fact that i adore quotes... every time i am down i turn to quotes and get pumped up and excited for life and get off my butt and do what needs to be done. someday i hope to have my words read by others and have them be inspired and given the motivation they need.
•  i really truly have a bucket list, its champ...
•  champ is kinda one of my words so you might wanna get used to reading it cuz itll be comin your way quite a bit... :D
• i have the best boyfriend ever. he is also one of my best friends... he is always there to listen to me and always poses the most interesting questions that leave me wondering and searching for answers for days. he knows exactly what to say to cheer me up and to lift my spirits when im feeling down. we tell each other everything and i think thats how it should be :)
• i grew up going to the Deaf ward. the youth group that we have there is the strongest group of youth i have ever seen. they support one another in every single thing and are always there to help to build each others testimonies. we all love the Lord and are not afraid to tell others that we know. we often hang out with each other and end up having spiritual discussions. i have been so fortunate to know these guys and dont know what kind of person i would be without them. 
• i have a best friend. several actually, but one of them goes by the name of Liechty... well to me anyway. she is a great girl with such an amazing personality! she is someone that i have been blessed to know for the past two, almost three, years. if you get the chance to meet her do it. you will be amazed at what she can teach you about yourself without you even realize shes doing it. she always thinks that she has no motivation and lacks in confidence, but i know if she will just look inside of herself she will see that she has great power to do so very much. its only a matter of time before she realizes it... 
• i am short and i am proud of it!
• i am a dedicated watcher of bones! it rocks my freaking socks off!! (tho mine arent nearly as cool as booth's are... :)) <- ya he's fat... ;D
• i am currently a Deaf Studies major, but we'll see how long that lasts... no one really knows... :D
• one of my life goals in life was to get a black eye, and that dream came true this past month when Liechty checked me in the face while we were playing around. CHAMP!! i owe her one... :D

Well that should be enough for you to convince your friends that you knew me before i got all famous and awesome... :D


"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." -Dr. Seuss