thanksgiving

this year for thanksgiving i decided to write down a list of twenty things that i am thankful for because i have been blessed enough to experience twenty thanksgivings in my lifetime. so here goes nothing...

1. my savior Jesus Christ. because of His love and infinite atonement i am able to return to my Heavenly Father and to become a God like him.

2. my family, both immediate and extended. i am so grateful for their love and support in everything i do. they are always there to fall back on and to help me through any trial i may face.

3. prayer. i am so grateful to be able to communicate with my Father in Heaven who loves me and knows me better than i know myself.

4. cody. i am truly blessed to have his love and support in my life. he builds my self confidence by reminding me that i am a daughter of God and that He loves me. he is always here to talk to and to support me.

5. music. music can change how i am feeling or just reflect it. it reminds me of wonderful memories and keeps me going when life gets hard.

6. friends. my friends have made me who i am today. by loving me, supporting me, encouraging me to change, and even by leaving me they have made me so much stronger, closer to God and a better person than i ever could have dreamed of being without them.

7. dylan's letters. when i get the mail and theres a letter from him my whole day gets better. i love hearing about his missionary experiences! they make me so much more excited about having my own.

8. the chance to serve a mission. my Father and Brother have done so much for me and i am so grateful to be able to repay them even just a little bit. i am also grateful for the chance to grow and become a better person.

9. technology. the communication and opportunities we have at our fingertips are unbelievable! our lives are so comfortable and connected because of how many things technology has given us.

10. cade. i am so thankful for his advice, friendship, and love in my life. Even 3,000 miles away in the dominican republic he still knows exactly what to say to brighten my day. other than my family i dont think anyone has had such a profound impact on my life as he had. i would not be the person i am today without him. i would not be as strong, faithful or confident as i am today if we had not met. he has changed my life forever and i will NEVER forget him.

11. the priesthood. i am so grateful to have a small taste of God's power here on earth. it is such a great thing to have the blessings, ordinances, and covenants that come through priesthood.

12. patriarchal blessings. to have the guidance and hope that this provides is beyond comparison. i love being able to see a small portion of the blessings my Father has in store for me.

13. laughter, smiles, and joy. i love seeing people's faces full of joy. there is nothing like laughing until you cry! and nothing can make you more attractive than a smile.

14. asl, deaf culture, and a deaf mom. i have been incredibly blessed to be a coda. to have a whole other world opened up to me has changed my life dramatically! i have learned things that i never could have any other way. the job opportunities are also an incredible blessing.

15. my job at subway and my subway friends. these people have changed my life! i couldnt ask for better co-workers! they make me want to be a better person.

16. the wardies. i am grateful to have had such a tight group of friends through what would have been the hardest years of my life, but because of them were some of the easiest.

17. ashlynn. if there could only be one reason for my knowledge that i am a daughter of God it would be her. she built my confidence and knowledge in who i am more than words can tell. when i am with her i am who i was meant to be. i will forever be grateful for her love, support, and friendship. she is a woman like none other and i aspire to be just like her.

18. my education. i am grateful to have gone to the schools i went to and to have gained the education i did. i will forever be grateful to the teachers who pushed me to work harder and to be better. to start chasing my dreams and to never stop!

19. LACROSSE! i would not be here if it was not for this sport and the people i met throught it. i will be forever grateful for my teammates and coaches. especially liechty, kathy, and beef. they are great women who have had such impacts on my life and who have been true friends.

20. books. i am grateful for the adventures, the knowledge, and the drive to become better that i have gotten from reading. the places a book can take you to are endless! the adventure, the imagination, the mystery, and the love you experience are unparallelled!


Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.  -Oprah Winfrey

WE are the moment

summer.

its about fling to another state for a whole week. its about seeing those two old people who may be going slightly crazy... but thats a story for another time. a story that has already been told.

summer.

its about staying up late, or rather early, just to spend one more minute with him.

summer.

its about packing and unpacking, and then packing again.

summer.

its meeting those new people for the first time. the boy with the thick-rimmed glasses who likes the girl who says "im embarrassed" too much, but not enough at the same time. its the way she smells good. its the girl with the awesome voice, even if she thinks its too deep. it suits her, perfectly. its the girl with the hair that should be too short, but isnt. its meeting them all and then twenty minutes later laying in a circle sharing a pillow and looking at the stars. ive always wanted to do that you know.

summer.

its the new music, the green skirt, and the kkk hoodie. the dog that no one understands and the leash that tastes funny. its the words and the silence. the three conversations that become one. the shrieking and running when the sprinklers come on five minutes after we talked about that exact thing happening. its the boy going back through the water to get her shoes because he cares about her. the ukulele on the windshield, forgotten... its moving to the creepers front lawn... the lawn with evil grass.

summer.

its the girl in the shorts and tee shirt who shouldnt fit in with the fashionable four, but somehow does, if only just a little. its the friend from high school whose wedding i will go to in eight years with my husband. and of course my children who will call her their aunt. they say imitation is the highest form of flattery. its her telling me that my man is the best of them all. and he is.

summer.

its looking at the stars and knowing hes looking at them too. its realizing there is no one better for me than him, no matter what the one with the title might say. its feeling his love even though i cant see him. its being excited to see him even though its still thirteen days away. its the seven days of happiness without thoughts of the goodbyes that will surely come. because hes doing what he loves, and i support that because his happiness is what is important to me. even if that means missing him for a while.

summer.

its me. its you. its what we live for. its the moment. this moment in time. its what we make of it. so smile, you look better that way, you know.


"we are the moment. this moment in time." -Lindsey Liechty

the one who doesnt know

hey. you... do you know how much i care? because i dont think that you do... i know life is busy and crazy and time is a problem. we both have school and then you have practice and when you get done i have practice. i made you a promise once, do you remember that? laying on that bed staring up at the glow in the dark stars in the middle of the day talking about everything. life, death, fears, and friends. i promised you that day that i would always be there for you. even when i went off to college and you stayed in high school for one more year. i made you that promise because i cared, and i still care. do you remember? how have i done in keeping that promise? i have tried to be here for you and i will always listen and give you any advice i can to help you and i just hope that it is truly enough to make sure that you still know that i care.

there are things that i will never forget.
the hours on the phone
the sleepovers
the games
the practices
the jokes
the lacrosse camp moments... (you know what im talking about :))
the out loud punctuations
the texts
the moments of doubt
the words
the laughter
and the secrets.

these are things that happened between me and you. and they still happen. and i care so much because of who you are and because of how amazing you are. i will never forget you and i will always be here for you. i will be here for the tears that will come in the future, for the moment when you meet that one guy who will love you like no one else can, for the day he asks you the one question that will change your life forever, for the wedding that you will have that will be the best wedding known to man since the beginning of time, and for every child, and grandchild. i will be here forever through your moments of strength and your moments of weakness because i love you no matter what. i love you for your words that inspire me more than you will ever know. i love you for trusting me enough to let me into your soul so that i can say the words for you that you cant. you came into my life at the perfect time and i will never be the same because i have known you. i will never be able to repay you for the things that you have done for me, but i am going to be here for the rest of your life trying to do just that. and so i hope you know, because it is so important that you do. because i care for you, because you are someone worth caring for.

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” -Dr. Seuss

“If things start happening, don't worry, don't stew, just go right along and you'll start happening too.” -Dr. Seuss

(i picked quotes from him because you remind me of him in the way you write, the way you talk, and the way you live. dont ever change, because who you are is someone worth being.)

i am in love, the passionate version of the word

so there is something that i have been wanting to write about for quite some time now but havent done so just yet because i havent been able to find just the right words. i still dont know that i have found those words yet but i am just going to go for it anyway and see how it turns out! enjoy!

i think i am in love, no, i know i am in love. yes love that is right, that really strong word that people use carelessly. the passionate word that has come to mean almost nothing in todays society because it is overused, and is used to mean 'like' in daily conversations. (but thats a post for another time, so anyway...) in my case when i use the word love here, i truly do mean love, the passionate version of the word. i am absolutely, completely, and passionately in love with lacrosse. the feeling that i get when i walk onto that field with my team all pumped up and excited to play is amazing!! this year i am playing for the utah valley university womens lacrosse team and it is awesome! my teammates are so awesome and my coaches are incredible!

my teammates and i just had the chance to go up to boise idaho for the boise classic tournament and it was so much fun! we won some and we lost some, but regardless of the score we walked off of the field after each game as winners. we learned to play together so quickly and worked off of each other strengths and covered for each others weaknesses. whether we were losing or winning we all had positive attitudes and never once put any of our teammates down or started to turn on one another. we all just went out with the mentality of having fun and of coming together as a team. we all have become so much closer and these girls are some of my best friends.

then there is our coach. he is AMAZING!!! i honestly dont know if i can find all the right words to explain just how much coach has done for me. he is just an amazing person. he genuinely cares about all of us and treats us as his daughters. as the coach for the mens and womens team he has a lot on his plate but always makes sure he has time for each and every one of us. he has sat down with the men and told them that we are his daughters and they will treat us with the respect we deserve. he has given each of us the encouraging words that we need right when we need them and is someone that i really feel like i can talk to about anything. he is also a phenomenal coach. he has helped me to improve my game so much it is ridiculous. every time i step on the field for a game or practice i walk off a better player because of the way that he coaches and encourages us.

we also have two assistant coaches kelsey and sam. kelsey went up with us this weekend to boise and it was so much fun to have her there with us! i love having kelsey as a coach! she is so much fun and encouraging and helps me to become better. she always has something specific for me that i can work on to improve my game rather than just telling everyone something to work on. it is so helpful to have that one on one coaching at every single practice and game. she is also someone that i feel like i can go to and talk to about anything and know that she will give me her advice and genuinely care about what it is i am talking to her about as well.

then there is the game itself, lacrosse! it is so much fun! every time i get a stick in my hands i feel so confident and like i can do anything. it makes me push myself further than i ever thought i would be able to push myself before. regardless of how much my legs hurt or how much my lungs are screaming i can push through the pain because i know in the end it will all be worth it. i may have to stop sometimes to cough up a lung, but i am right back in it as soon as my lungs have settled down again. lacrosse is the thing that i do for me. it is what i do to keep myself sane, in shape, and enjoying life. whenever life gets hard i go play wall balls or practice cradling, or even just sleep with my stick sometimes :) and i know that everything will be ok. it makes me push myself to be a better person on and off the field. it has helped me to become more determined in all that i do, and has helped teach me that no matter what anyone (including myself) tells me i can accomplish anything and everything and i will become a better person for it. it is one of the most amazing things that i have ever done in my life and i love it!!


"i've always believed that if you put in the work, the results will come. i dont do things halfheartedly. because i know if i do, then i can expect halfheartedly results." -Michael Jordan

"do you know what my favorite part of the game is? the opportunity to play." -Mike Singletary

"how hard would you play today i you knew you could not play tomorrow?" -unknown

insecurities

the more i live the more i see how insecure people are. the world that we live in creates insecurities left and right and we as people accept the things that the world gives us. we think that if we do these things then we will feel better about ourselves... but what happens when you dont have time to do these things? say you wake up late one day and dont get the chance to put on your makeup and cute clothes? you go through the rest of the day feeling like you are ugly and like no one could like you like that because you somehow arent pretty enough. why do we see ourselves and think that we arent enough? when we look in the mirror why dont we think i am pretty just the way i am? why dont guys ever think that they are enough without having to be the super jock, when really they dont even like sports? when will we ever be enough?

it breaks my heart to think of people like this. the girl who starves herself just to get that one boy at school to like her and when he sees her he wishes she would just eat something because she was prettier the way she was before, he just couldnt find the right words to tell her how he felt. the boy on the football team who fakes an injury so he wont have to play anymore because he hates it but is afraid that he wont be accepted anymore if he quits. the girl who looks at the floor all day long and tries to do all she can to avoid talking to people because she feels like she isnt worthy enough to... all because she woke up late and didnt have time to put on makeup. the boy who committed suicide last night because he felt like no one loved him anymore, and the girl who is dying inside because she did.

why do we let the world tell us that if we dont fit into one of x amount of things then we are not worth anything? why are we so insecure that one comment from someone can make or break us? why do we allow ourselves to depend on what others think/say to tell us how much we are worth? this past sunday a good friend of mine gave his farewell talk and while he was speaking he shared a poem. it is entitled 'the price He paid'. it talks about the worth of a soul. it talks about how we have already been told what we are worth we just need to see and accept it. we are worth so much that Christ our brother gave his life for us so that we could be happy for all of eternity. i really liked this because i have been thinking a lot about how insecure people are lately.

i think of myself as a pretty confident person. i know who i am and i love myself for it. i refuse to wear makeup on a daily basis because i want people to like me for who i really am and what i really look like, not for someone i pretend to be. (i am not saying that makeup is the enemy here and that if you wear makeup you should stop. that is not my point at all i am just saying that is part of a personal decision that helps me to be more myself and more confident on a regular basis). i want to help those around me to be comfortable in their own skin and for who they are. i want to help people to realize how much they are truly worth. we all have our days where we feel insignificant and this is part of being human. but we are not just human, we are children of heavenly parents with so much potential and so much power over who we become and what we believe.

and so i say to you the girl who is hiding behind the hair and the clothes because you are afraid to show who you really are, you are loved for the person that you are afraid to show. you the boy who is too scared to talk to that one girl because you are afraid she wont like you, you are loved for the person that you think she wont like. you are loved by someone who can love you more than anyone else can, and because He loves you nothing else matters.

the more i live my life the more that i see how insecure people are. and the more i live my life i see the true potential that each and every single person has inside of them. if we will only stop being afraid to truly be ourselves we will become amazing people. we will accomplish so much more and we will change the world.

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. -Thich Nhat Hanh

When people believe in themselves they have the first secret of success. -Norman Vincent Peale

the price He paid

 i got this poem from a friend a couple days ago and it relates to a post that i have been trying to write for sometime now. i really like this concept tho.

The price He paid

Is a rich man worth more than a poor man?
Is a stranger worth less than a friend?
Is a baby worth more than an old man?
Your beginning worth more than your end?
Is a president worth more than his assassin?
Does your value decrease with your crime?
Like when Christ took the place of Barabas,
Would you say he was wasting his time?

Well, how much do you think you are worth boy?
Will anyone stand up and say?
Would you say that a man is worth nothing
Until someone is willing to pay?

I suppose that you think that you matter.
Well how much do you matter . . . to whom?
It's much easier at night, when with friends and bright lights,
Than much later alone in your room.
Do you think they'll miss one in a billion?
When you finish this old human race.
Does it really make much of a difference
When your friends have forgotten your face?

If you heard that your life had been valued,
That a price had been paid on the nail,
Would you ask what was traded?
How much? And who paid it?
Who was he? And what was his name?
If you heard his name was called Jesus,
Would you say that the price was too dear?
Held to the cross, not by nails, but by love.
It was you who broke his heart, not the spear.
Would you say you were worth what it cost him?
You say No? But the price stays the same.
If it doesn't make you cry, laugh it off, pass Him by.
But remember the day when you throw it away,
That He paid what He thought you were worth.

How much do you think HE is worth boy?
Will anyone stand up and say?
Tell me, what are you willing to give HIM
In return for the price that HE paid?

"Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forge thee, (insert your name here). Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." -1 Nephi 21: 15-16

just in case you forgot...

i know that right now it feels like you will never be able to let anyone else in but you will, and they inevitably will hurt you and this will keep happening because people are selfish and think of no one but themselves. and then one day you will meet a guy and you will decide to let one more person in just one more time... and he will NEVER hurt you. he will cherish you and love you the way that you deserve to be loved. and he will marry you and you will have the best wedding ever. but it wont end there. you will start a family together and he will find small ways to tell you just how much he loves you each and every single day. you will let your kids in and they will love you and you them. and then eventually you will die in the arms of that one man who can love you more than anyone else can. and it will all be worth it.

True love is not being with someone because you think you can be happy with that person, but because without that person you know you can never be.    --anonymous